Long time no post...

Friends, I have been wrestling internally for almost a year, trying to get "things" in place before I let myself be creative. What is that? A year and a half ago I was swept up with some ideas so big I was bursting. After long exhausting days teaching in the high-school classroom I would slog through traffic on my drive home, and then eagerly spend the precious moments I had in the evenings and any time on the weekends I could spare to start working on those ideas. I had plans to teach courses online, to write a book, to start blogging regularly, to save more, travel more, LIVE more.

I put a lot of time and energy into laying the groundwork for some of those ideas. I spent months recording videos and learning how to edit them, setting up new social media account pages, choosing an email provider, designing an online course, and then another, and creating daily content to share. I had plans plan plans. And then...

I just, stopped. Around March of 2019 I felt myself sinking back into the functional depression (what does that even mean?) I've experienced on and off for nearly 20 years. I still get out of bed each day, go to work and social functions as expected, and even smile, laugh, and join in conversations as if all is well. It's the alone time where I collapse. I went through each busy day as if in a daze, fighting to stay present, to care.

I heard about a possible job opportunity to work from home starting that fall, and I took it, even though it meant leaving the classroom, a job I'd had and loved for eight years, and taking a huge pay cut - taking my wife and I out of the place of financial security we had barely started to experience for the first time in our adult lives - back to monthly budget meetings trying to figure out where we could cut expenses.

I thought the strain of the classroom job was keeping me from thriving. That the job was keeping me overworked, overwhelmed, and exhausted. I thought accepting a job where I could work from home every other week would transform my life. I thought my big ideas would come flooding back and I would knock them out of the park.

Yet... The summer passed. The new job started. The second job started (gotta pay those bills). And now it's March 2020. It's been a year since I let my dreams slip away. Depression is real. Fatigue and exhaustion are real. Being busy and overwhelmed is a place I seem to find myself over and over in life, no matter the circumstances, so now, I'm trying, I'm learning, how to live differently.

I am grateful for the job change. I am getting far more sleep than I have in years. I am finally exercising on a regular basis. I get to read. I get to have lunch dates with Alex. I can go to Target at noon on Tuesday if I am so inclined. I am truly grateful for the flexibility and freedom I now experience, and now I think it's time to pick up my sweet dreams that have been patiently waiting for me, and nurture them back to life.

This blog is my start. Just one little blog post. That's how we get there. One little step at a time.